we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
