You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if only i could text you this smell
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize