I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
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You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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