I wish I could teleport
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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