Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
