isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
