hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I faked an abortion last night.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
