he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
