How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
