What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
