Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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