Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
