I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You smell like stripper and shame
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
