I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
