He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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