Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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