Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
