If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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