I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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