i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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