when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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