last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
