so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
