we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
