just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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