I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
