I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
