Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
