my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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