Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
