I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
