There was a lot of him and a little penis
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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