yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
