I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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