I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
