and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
