i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
