brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
