I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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