i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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