I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
