at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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