I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
