You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
