Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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