after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
