And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
