OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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