I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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