My underwear smells like fireworks.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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