I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks