...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.