How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.