I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again