Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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