oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.