your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my phone needs a breathalizer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?