Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know