I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I licked your asshole in confidence.