we're chasing vodka with high fives
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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