Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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