then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
