i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
