Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
