im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize