i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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