I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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