Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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