I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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