You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I could fuck to npr.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
