What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
