let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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