She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
