Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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