I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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