The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
