Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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