Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
