your parents love me but you hate me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Congratulations! We have a period
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
