I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
