3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
two words...techno handjob
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
