Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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