Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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