My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
